


Four Of Swords

by Marshmalloween



Category: Political Animals
Genre: Angst, F/M, Funeral, Heavy Angst, Major Character Undeath, Overdosing, Substance Abuse, confusion between dream and reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:41:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25827592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marshmalloween/pseuds/Marshmalloween
Summary: You are against TJ’s idea with opening the club but when you arrived late for the club opening, you weren’t ready to see what’s in front of you.
Relationships: Thomas "T. J." Hammond & Reader, Thomas "T. J." Hammond/Original Female Character(s), Thomas "T. J." Hammond/Reader, Thomas "T. J." Hammond/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	Four Of Swords

**Author's Note:**

> This is from the-ss-horniest-book-club (tumblr) prompt that I request and spent a couple of times to finally finished it. Major thanks to beckzorz for giving me input since writing angst is hard haha. This is the sequel to Three of Swords but it can be read as a stand-alone piece. Overall, I try my best with the grammar but if there’s a grammar mistake, that will be on me 😉. As always, critique, comment, and kudos are really appreciated ❤️. Let me know what you think about this.

"Damn.” You saw your watch and cursed internally. You promise TJ that you will attend the opening of his club, and yet you are practically late. After hailing a cab, you gave the driver the address.

You’ve been in a constant argument with TJ this past couple of months. Although you would like to regard that as Einstein - Bhor’s natural argument, the context might be a bit way too far from any quantum mechanic history. TJ has been through a lot, but the people he’s associated with are the most concerned. You do not discredit his attempt with rehabilitations and such, but he’s just too stubborn for his own good. It feels like you confront a fucking Stonehenge.

A quiet dinner and some stargazing have been a routine he does with you once in a while. Listening to him when he needs to offload is what you always provide. But when he discusses the idea of opening the club, you are adamant that it’s just not the right thing to do. But being the stone head that he is, you finally gave in. You know you are not the only one who’s against that idea. But you are sure his family finally approved it. He’s been very excited when he told you he got the green light, financially. 

When you think about those days, you just sighed. Why does TJ insist on discussing things with you when he already knew what he wanted, no matter what. And now here you are, arriving at the front of his club. You are not a nightclub person. Mostly because the loud sounds and light pollution are sometimes too much for your sensory. However, because this is TJ’s nightclub opening, you agree to come as one of the VIP’s.

You haven’t had time to check your phone in a day, so you are surprised when TJ didn’t text you anything. He was bugging you with a lot of text yesterday. About the clothes, he’s going to wear, about his family who’s going to be there. Somehow he seems so euphoric; it makes you nervous. You have a bad feeling about it.

The nightclub was loud. The noise from the inside escaped when the front door opened. You showed the bouncer your VIP invitation, and he lets you in immediately.

The light that showers the inside of the club was pretty vibrant, making you squint your eyes out. You swam inside the ocean of people drinking and dancing to the beat of a song you aren’t familiar with. You try hard to find TJ. Thinking that he must be hanging out with the VIP, but you found nothing. The sounds were barely bearable to your ear as you try searching for TJ again without any luck. After fifteen minutes of trying to search for his face, your eyes landed on someone. You can’t remember the name, but you are familiar with the look. You knew he’s one of TJ’s closest friends when he’s struggling with his drug addiction. You might as well ask him where TJ was.

You take a long stride with your tight dress, carefully. Finally, approach him, you shake his shoulder. You can see he was drunk? Or high? You weren’t so sure. You ask where TJ is, and he just stared at you for a minute before he digested that you are talking to him.

“Where is TJ?” You are practically yelling at the man. His demeanor changes a little, but it looks likely he’s not entirely conscious.

“TJ?” He looks at you, eyes glassy and red. Focus occasionally dropped away from you. You follow his finger, as it tries to direct you somewhere when you keep asking TJ’s name.

When you are sure he directs you to somewhere real, you immediately hurry. It was on the second floor all the way to the right. You carefully step up to the stairs, your heart suddenly feels uneasy, like bad things might happen.

You knocked on the door, but you couldn’t hear anything from inside. You rammed again, but still no answer, probably the music just too loud that nothing can be heard from TJ’s office. Your hand immediately connected to the door handle and glad it wasn’t locked.

“TJ,” you call him, and yet there’s still no answer. You walk inside, and your heart immediately drops as you see TJ’s body on the floor, white liquid leaks from the side of his mouth. Feeling lightheaded, you grasped the nearest wall when your body reacts to almost shutting itself down.

With trembling hands, you shake his body, but there’s no reaction. You try to find a pulse and a little relief that there’s still some, although it’s really weak.

“TJ— can you hear me? TJ—” Your fingers connected to his left cheek. “—please!” clammy hands try to gauge any reaction out of him.

_What should I do? Should I give CPR? Should I call security?_

Unable to think clearly and focus on what’s happening around you, you slumped next to TJ’s unresponsive body.

A loud rang and vibrate of your phone bring you back from your shock. Swiping up the call without even looking at the caller.

“Hello, dear, I have been calling you—,,” the voice of your mother suddenly brings you back to the present.

“Mom TJ, mom he— he’s not replying to me—,” realizing where you are and what happened almost drove you to a panic attack.

Sense your panic state; your mother tried to calm you down quickly and reiterate what she can understand. “Honey stay calm, breath with me—,”

“Dad, call 911 quickly.” You can faintly hear your mother yell at your father. The conversation blurred as you try to focus on your breathing. You grasped at TJ’s wrist, his weak pulse guiding you like a beacon, indicating that he’s there alive.

Soon, a loud voice as the office door opened made you turn your head to the direction. Two people that look like a medic getting closer with a stretcher. You quickly stood up and gave them space. “Please save him..” your quivering voice pleaded in desperation.

“Do you know what happened, Miss?” The medic named Chris asked you while checking out TJ’s pulse on his wrist and neck.

You shake your head, “I just arrived— maybe like ten minutes ago?” You sniffle quietly, wiping some tears you unaware, running down your cheeks.

“Pulses are weak, but it’s there, Phil.” You sighed in relief. Crossing your arms tightly in front of your body in an attempt to calmed yourself down.

He quickly rolled up TJ’s sleeves to his elbow while another medic prepared a syringe. Phil injected something intravenously. Both of them carefully put TJ’s body steadily on the stretcher. “Are you a relative?” Chris asked you.

You are stunned and immediately shake your head. “No— no, I am not his relatives, but I —” you gulped uncertain of what you should have said. “—I’m his fiance.”

They nod and give you an option to ride in the ambulance or follow it to the hospital. You choose the first option while with shaking hands, you try to dial Elaine, TJ’s mother. The throngs of people in the dance floor and VIP section are genuinely curious about what actually happened upstairs, but no one dares to get closer.

—

The paramedic quickly folded up the stretcher and pushed TJ inside the ambulance, while you sat across the stretcher.

The paramedics do another quick check on TJ. They put on some suction tube to help flush away some liquid. You try to keep calm and still hold on one of TJ’s hands. The friction of the skin and skin contact steadied your breath.

A sudden beeping sound sends an alert to the paramedic. “Mr. Hammond, can you hear me? Can you hear me?” Chris trying to get any reaction from TJ. 

“Gastric suction was done, but his respiration rate dropped to 25.” Chris talked to Phil and quickly put on oxygen masks for TJ’s to help with his airflow while also checking on his pulses.

Your heart pounds faster as you struggle to control your breath. Quickly you scuttled away to give a room for them to help TJ.

“Mr. Hammond, if you can hear me, try to move your right hand, please.” Phil tries to talk near his ear. 

“No response.”

When the monitor showed his heart rate dropped and flattened, Phil started unbuttoning TJ’s shirt.

“Prepare the defibrillator now.” One of them put some pads on TJ’s skin while the other turned on the equipment. They shock TJ with it. They try it once, twice, and three times with not even the slightest response. It happened quickly as you were in disbelieve when they announced his time of death.

You feel nauseated as you slumped on the ambulance floor. Stream of tears fell as you cried your heart out there. Kneel beside the stretcher, you hug TJ and bury your face at the crook of his neck. The cold of his skin turned warmer as your hot tears dampened it.

You don’t remember much when you arrive at the hospital. But you remember when the ambulance turned off the siren. You remember when the paramedic gave you their quick but short condolence and helped you steady yourself, navigating inside the bustling of the ER building. When TJ’s family came, you quickly stood up and hugged his mother and grandma. Crying, sobbing at each other’s arms, as well as the rest of his family. His twin, Douglas, was hugged by his fiancé as he weeps quietly, trying his best to control his emotion. His father trying to compose himself, but everyone knew that he was also crushed, like the other in the family.

—

It was a cloudy morning that day. Today’s weather senses the gloomy undertone that befalls Hammond’s family. You and your parents sat quietly at one of the chairs on the church to pay the last tribute to T.J. It was a limited funeral, mainly for family and close friends. Only some of them are coworkers of TJ’s parents.

Your mother sat next to you. Her warm hand clasped yours as to give you any extra support. She knew you love TJ since he is your childhood crush. She just didn’t think it would linger till adulthood.

One by one said their last words to TJ’s, and when it’s your family’s turn, you slowly followed your parents to the casket. When it’s your time to give your last goodbye, you can’t help stare a little longer at TJ. He was dressed in a black suit. His dark brown hair was swept neatly to the side, a style that he definitely wouldn’t agree with. His hands clasped in the middle. He looks so handsome, angelic even. There’s nothing you can’t do to bring back his smile. You missed the pure boy that once helped you when you were bullied as a kid. When he’s still clueless on what’s waiting for him in the future. When he’s still himself, something that he’s been struggling with in the past couple years.

“Hi, TJ.” You speak to him quietly, even though he would never hear anything you said to him. “I—,” you licked your lips nervously. “I never thought that I would say this to you. Not—not in the state that you don’t even have a chance to reject me.” Tears started to wet your cheeks as you wept quietly.You lower your upper body to the casket. You try to position your lips near his ear as your small palm rested on TJ’s left chest for seconds. “I love you—and I always will.” You give a quick peck on TJ’s cold cheek. Even though you still want to be next to the casket until the last minute before the burial, you know that you can’t.

When it’s finally time, the casket was closed. Everyone in the church followed the pallbearers to the designated place. That’s when everyone started sobbing again. Your hiccup wasn’t quiet, either. As the pastor said his final prayer, you felt your mother’s hand grasped on yours. “It’s ok, honey—"over and over again. You break from your mother’s grasp as you run to the casket when the staff starts to lower it to the ground.

The voice of your mother was loud. The dark cloud suddenly congregated in a second, as the lightning flashed repeatedly. You can hear your name called frequently by your mother. But soon, her feminine voice was changed into a more masculine voice. The sound those days ago you heard for the last time through your phone. 

"Hey—” a groggy voice startled you awake. “—are you ok?"Your neck hurt because you spent a long time, laid your head on the hospital bed."Einstein—”

“TJ? Oh, my god, TJ?” You are speechless. It looks like you are awakened from a horrible dream, and indeed it’s an awful dream. You push the button to call the nurse or doctor. Quickly you try to locate your phone and dial TJ’s mom. The small of your palm wrapped tightly on his bigger one. Afraid if you pull out, you are awakened near a graveyard.

TJ’s father entered the room when you ended your phone call. “Mr. Hammond—” his tired brown eyes fell from your hand to TJ’s. You nodded at him and let go of TJ’s hand. The doctor and nurses entered the room at the same time, busy checking on his condition.

“Mr. Hammond, now that TJ’s awake, I—I will excuse myself.” The small bag that you brought helps remind you that you are indeed awake. TJ’s father nodded and muttered a thank you to you.

TJ looked a bit disoriented, but you know he’s in the right hand. Taking a deep breath, you quietly exit the bedroom. On the way to the elevator, you meet Elaine. She seems in a rush to go back to TJ’s room. “Elaine.” You smile at the former First Lady.“Hey, honey. Thanks for letting me know.” She held your hand. Her eyes are still red, probably because of crying and lack of sleep combined, and yours probably isn’t better. “You should go back home and sleep. I’m thankful for everything you do to my son. Please take care of yourself.” Elaine hugged you and patted your head. “Promise me, you take some rest and eat something. After that, you can come back and talk with TJ.” She looked at your face with hope. You nodded at her, and she bid you goodbye.

—

It didn’t take you a long time to come back to the hospital. Now that TJ’s awake, he’s been placed to a new VIP room. You have been texting Elaine of TJ’s improvement and asked if it’s ok to visit him. She, of course, replied to your text with what you would call an open arm. “I never knew that he kept in touch with you. And for that, I am terribly happy. Thank you for arriving there on time.”

Personally, you aren’t sure if visiting TJ were a good idea. At least not for you. Having seen someone important to you on the verge of life and death situation short of leaving you with its own scar. But maybe you are just too emotional right now.

Taking a deep breath in, you quickly open TJ’s room. Afraid if you wander too long you will chicken out. The beeping sound of the monitor gives you an idea of his vital sign in general. Quietly, you closed the door behind you and sat next to the bed. TJ’s face is pallid, but faint colors come back on his cheeks.

“Hey…,” a hoarse voice drew you out from your headspace.

“Hey—,” you reply to him with a smile. “Do you need some water?” TJ gives you a quick nod. You quickly take a clean glass next to the water dispenser in the room. After putting some straw inside, you stride back to TJ and help prop up his bed before giving him the water. Both of you spent some time in silence, afraid to utter any words.

“I—,” TJ gulped and looked at you in the eyes. “I wanted to say thank you for saving my life. That should be the first thing I said to you.”

Slowly, you put your left hand to his right one. His big and longer fingers contrast to your smaller and short one. “I am glad I arrived on time. I had the worst reaction at that time. You should thank my mom because she’s the one who called 911.” You smile, but your inner mind immediately scolded you. The least you wanted to do is reminding TJ about his attempt at suicide. However, you also have some thought that he might not plan to do it. That it’s just some party time gone wrong. You shake your head and just focus on the present, you can talk about it later if you have too.

“Einstein—,” his pet name made you roll your eyes in fake annoyance. Both of you smile a little bit as the atmosphere changes from a heavy to a lighter tone. “— I am sorry I didn’t realize your feelings for me. I heard it in your sleep." 

A rush of heat from embarrassment and nervousness creeps up from your neck to your ears. You are sure your face is pretty hot right now, literally.

TJ’s fingers grasped you, afraid you pulled away from him. "and I…I don’t know why I have been so blind this whole time.”

“TJ I—,” you bit your upper lips in nervousness. Completely unsure of what to say in this situation. “— you don’t need to feel sorry for me. I am aware that you, interested in someone else, and you just see me as a childhood friend,”

“Hey—hey, listen to me.” He cut you quickly. His tired face demands your attention. He tried to sit, straighter, and take both of your hands with him. “You know you are more than that for me. It’s just— I was trapped in my bubble with him. I thought- I thought that Sean and I formed cohesion despite me being that kind of lover, and I was so dumb to even think about it.”

“TJ…” You sighed. You aren’t sure if this is the right time to talk about this since he barely recovered.

“ **You’ve shown me what love can feel like**. And if you—,” he tilted his head up slightly, prevented the tears, but failed. More thought whirling through his head as he saw your hesitation. “Are you ok with whom I am now, can we start over?”

Your vision blurs as you heard TJ’s thought. You can feel the tears on your cheeks as you try to wrap everything in your heads. Shouldn’t you be happy about this? But what if this is just a false alarm? What if TJ said this because he caught you red-handed have feelings for him and just pities you and doesn’t want to send you away?

“I know I have asked so much from you and I understand if you think I am just a nuisance—,”

Before he finishes his sentence, you yank your hands from his grasp. You awkwardly climb on his hospital bed and hug him. “TJ, don’t ever say to me you are a nuisance. You know I care about you.” Your voice quavering.

Both TJ’s hands engulfed you, dare you to say in a warm embrace. His right hand combed your hair softly. “Please stay,” he whispered quietly.

Even though you can’t see him, you can feel the smile on his face as you reply to his request with a muffled yes.

_[Everybody finds love — in the end ](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fopen.spotify.com%2Ftrack%2F2TQsZUVhevVTtNUil5JoJv%3Fsi%3D19RWNEdTRBi5V6Ya6QzT5Q&t=OTczN2ExZDExNDRkNzY5ZmNlYWQ5ZTkwODg1ODc1ZTYxN2RlNTE1MixTdUJSb2M5RQ%3D%3D&b=t%3ATEePql0nAjGdE5hC5aNklQ&p=https%3A%2F%2Fchuuulip.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F625384276714799104&m=1&ts=1597081608) _

**Author's Note:**

> Everybody finds love - in the end, is a lyric part of a song called Sakura Nagashi by Utada Hikaru. I feel that this song is kind of an emotional song, that just how I portrayed it even when at that time I don't know the English translation. When I knew it, yup at some point I found it would be fit to this story. 
> 
> I am @chuuulip on tumblr


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